About this talk
This talk explores the concept of radical candor and its importance in fostering effective communication in the workplace. The speaker discusses the tension between our public face and true self, particularly through the Japanese concepts of 'amae' and 'h,' which represent societal politeness and genuine emotions, respectively. They emphasize the negative impacts of avoiding tough conversations or delivering blunt feedback without care. The talk introduces Kim Scott's 2x2 model of radical candor, illustrating how to balance caring personally with challenging directly. By encouraging open dialogue, the speaker argues that teams can grow stronger by embracing constructive feedback, reminiscent of the art of kintsugi, where taking care of imperfections makes something more beautiful and resilient.
Full transcript
Hi. So, allow me for a couple of minutes to take you away from the technical topics just for a bit and talk about the people topics. The secret weapon, embracing radical cander without being a jerk. I want you to think about a conversation you had recently where you held back. And by held back, I mean you thought, I should probably say something and then you didn't. You
smiled, you nodded, and you let it go. Now you think about another conversation, one where you gave feedback, but it was so blunt, so direct, so unfiltered that the other person left feeling hurt. You thought you were being helpful, but you came out as, let's be honest, you came out as a jerk. We've all been a coward and we've all been a jerk. So, what's the difference
and where's the fix? In Japan, they have this thing that most of you have heard, the Japanese mask. Uh, they have a concept that defines this tension h and tmay. Why Japan? Because I like it. It's pretty. It's weird. I think it's cool. [sighs and gasps] Tay is your public face. It's what you show the world. It's what you say you believe. It's harmony. It's politeness. It's
not rocking the boat. H is your true self. It's your honest feelings, your genuine thoughts, your real opinions. In our work lives, we are masters at that amay. We smile in a meeting. We not along with a bad idea. And we keep our true self, our honest feelings locked away. We do it to be nice. We do it to avoid conflict. But in the process, we become
a team of polite cowards. We fail to challenge and with it our ideas, our uh projects, our processes, our very own selves stagnate. But the alternative unfiltered horn, this is where the jerk lives. That's the one that says, "Don't blame me. I'm just being honest." And leaves a trail of bruised eagles and broken relationships in their wake. So, how do we bring our horn to the surface
without becoming a jerk? The answer is radical cander. It's a 2x two model created by Kim Scott. And this is the perfect bridge between our true selves and our public selves. On one side, on one axis, you have a simple question. Do you care personally? On the other, do you challenge directly? The 2x two grid gives us four options. The jerk lives at the bottom right corner.
High challenge, low care. That's obnoxious aggression. The coward lives right next to them. Low care, low challenge. That's manipulative insincerity. Your well-meaning but shy colleague lives at the top left. High care, low challenge. That's ruinous empathy. Why is it ruinous? Because this is where we say it's fine when it's not. because we care about the person or we are afraid of ruining a relationship. The sweet spot
is at the top right. High care, high challenge. That's radical cander. It's the ability to challenge directly while showing them that you care personally about their success and well-being. It's the ability to give tough feedback because you genuinely believe in their potential. It's the ability to tell them their code has a serious bug. Their idea is missing the mark. Their presentation won't work. Not to tear them
down, but to build them up. Think of it like the Japanese art of kinsugi. More Japanese metaphors, I know. Bear with me. It's just five minutes. [gasps] Kinsugi is the practice of repairing broken pottery with golden lacquer. They don't hide the cracks. They fill them with gold. They take something that was broken and in the process of mending it make it more beautiful, more resilient than it
was before. And this is what radical dander does for your teams, your projects, your very own selves. It's not about being perfect. It's about filling the cracks. The time has come to build with gold. So don't be a coward. Don't be a jerk. Be radically candid. Thank you. [applause]
